The REAL Aussie Hamburger

Aussie hamburgers with the lot are huge, at least they were when I was a kid in a country town. They dwarf their US namesakes. Also, Aussie burgers do not restrict themselves to sauce and pickles, and onion. Actually, you wouldn't normally see pickles. No, the usual ingredients are: 

Bread roll, round, say 15 cm (6") across. Toasted, not merely warmed. Buttered. 
Meat patty to match size of roll. Thick. Juicy. 
Layer of fried onion. Not a few pieces of diced onion. Big rings of onion, say, half an onion's worth. 
Bacon, at least 2 rashers. 
Fried egg.
Slice of pineapple.
Beet root, 2 to 4 slices. 
Small mound of lettuce leaves (not shredded, get real!). 
All smothered in tomato sauce.

This was fairly standard, though you could add or subtract ingredients to taste. Some places would offer more exotic additions. 
(Note: KB always 'subtracted' the sliced pineapple! Yukkk... You have those with cream or ice cream... not savoury. Those Victorians always were strange people! LOL)

The real art is in eating the things. The bread roll generally lacks the structural strength to support the combined weight of the contents for long. Certainly not once the juice gets to it. Also, you can't get your mouth around it unless you have a Master's in oral gymnastics. You have to start nibbling at the edges, constantly turning it and changing angle of attack to ensure a consistent edge. How can I can describe it? It's a bit like the technique used to eat corn off the cob, eating a row then turning it and starting again. 

Every so often a bit threatens to fall out and you make a sudden lurch to keep it in. Eating the bread first is easier, and the inexperienced often do. Beware, that way lies disaster! You have to conserve the bread to keep the structure stable. Of course, approaching the egg yolk requires the greatest care and should only be attempted under expert tuition.

The real "fang artist" could do the whole thing one handed, effortlessly changing hands to lick fingers or to scoff a chip (french fry to you) or potato cake or to take a swig. 

One of the fond teenage memories of most Aussies over 40 years old would be a day at a surf beach with their mates, followed by hamburgers for tea. Eating them when clad only in bathers was particularly risky, as you risked scalds if you didn't handle the burger well. Spilling hamburger was considered a social faux pas, particularly in your mate's car. It could incur verbal lashings such as "You're as clumsy as a duck in a ploughed paddock" or even (and this was really crushing) "What are ya???" 

Sadly, they are becoming a thing of the past. Franchised chains have largely taken over the market. They're ok in their way, but we're losing a bit of our culture. You can still get them if you know where to go. There's one particular place in Melbourne that is hamburger heaven, but even there the hamburgers are smaller now. Or maybe it's just that I got bigger. 

Americans? We had fewer visiting back then, so most who have visited Australia would not have experienced them unless they went bush. Those who do look at them as if to say "You've got to be kidding!" 

Regards, 
Mark 
ps I forgot the slices of tomato. How could I have forgotten the tomato! 
pps This has got me hungry! Think I'll go and fang one now!